Email this page to a friend
  The Realities of Golf
    I think you golfers might enjoy this.

Depressingly accurate…

1. If you really want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.

2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.

3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.

4. When you look up causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball, that is if you ever want to see it again.

5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.

6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.

8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.

9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.

10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.

12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.

14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.

15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.

17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.

20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.

22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.

23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.

25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his back swing by his handicap. Example: back swing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 600 mph.

26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.

28. You can put “draw” on the ball, you can put “fade” on the ball, but no golfer can put “straight” on the ball.

29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.

31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.

32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.

33. If you bought one of everything on every infomercial you have watched on TV about how to improve your golf game, you will have to do one of two things – File Chapter XI or buy a new golf bag that will hold 400 clubs and 1000 balls.

34. Eventually they will make a driver that is guaranteed to reach every green from every tee. That way if you 3 putt every green you can still shoot par 72.

35. There is a direct correlation between how many strokes your handicap will increase in relation to the number of people you tell about how well you have been playing. In real life, beware of the guy who quietly tells you he's not playing very well at all. He will not only take your money, but he'll try to help you get your other foot in your mouth.

36. No ball ever marked on a green is returned at a distance farther than the original mark.
 
  Story Archive
   
  The Bamboo Seed (featured story)
  For Your Health.
  No more English
  Stories For Adults Only. Warning: You may find some stories offensive but it is good for your heart.
  Stories for Christians.
  Never give in
  How business is done
  Cowboy Boots
  A gold urinal
  I've learned....
  Blonde Jokes
  That's GOD.
  Politicians
  FAMILY
  DEFECTIVE PARROT
  I ASKED GOD
  Footprints- New version
  Exercise for seniors
  No wonder men are happier!
  Go slow and watch out for the chicks...!
  Triple Filter Test
  Great Salesman
  Now we know you are one of us
  Just for laughs
  Today's women
  Potentially & realistically
  The driver and his wife
  Women's terminology!
  Husband Mart
  Don't Mess With Old Ladies
  Bryan
  Two good questions
  Pedal
  The Little Old Lady
  Two lines
  Definition of success
  Fix the brakes
  Write your hurt in sand
  Rules from the man side
  Public Restroom Humor
  Prison Vs Work
  Mrs Thomson and Teddy
  Law of the seed
  Bring your upline
  Odds and Ends
  You were in my class
  MAD WIFE
  Sharpened your Axe?
  That's Life.
  Who makes coffee?
  A Prayer
  I gonna miss you
  Jack and his buddy Bob
  The Little Things
  "There's no charge for love"
  It is good to be a woman:
  Polish divorce
  Healthy Eating
  Navajo Indian
  "But my thumb still hurts like hell"
  WOMAN'S LIFE CYCLE.............
  THE BRICK
  Another Blonde Story
  DIARRHEA
  ''Thank God'
  Bob Hope
  Joe and John
  Creepy huh?
  DONT ARGUE WITH CHILDREN
  4 - 8 year old
  I love my job
  No milk
  A penny
  CORPORATE LESSONS.
  Bush and the Queen
  Pay attention, people!!!"
  Get my teeth
  Eternal truth
  Heaven's grocery store
  A glass of milk
  The Florist
  "Watch and learn,"
  The Rancher's widow
  Arsenic
  Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford
  The drugs are wearing off...
  Old Fred
  I'm telling everybody!
  Smile
  The carpenter
  Why I fired my secretary
  NEIL ARMSTRONG
  SARS
  WHY WE LOVE CHILDREN...
  Retarded?
  Boss first please
  Think twice
  A crusty old man
  Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin
  Going the wrong way
  Be careful
  The Cracked pot
  Lawyers
  Stop complaining
  Love does not need a reason
  No ears
  Colored people
  Yearly performance reviews
  Satan's meeting
  Air India
  People who have made a difference in your life
  7-11
  Cheap parking
  The Hare and the Tortoise
  My Dad
  Love and Time
  Language
  Gambling odds
  Elvis
  Dr. Norman Vincent Peale
  MUSINGS OF A GOOD FATHER ON A BAD DAY
  Athenium orator Isacrotese in 430 B.C. said
  We shrug the act of achievement
  Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody
  Have you ever noticed
  Sir Alexander Fleming
  Two sons
  Jokes on marriage
  Friends
  Love your woman
  The farmer and the lawyer
  The way we look at things
  Two traveling angels
  There's got to be a pony!
  Cellular phones
  The Stonecutter
  I asked God
  Different teaching system
  Roger Bannister
  Two men went to the Pub
  The frog and the centipede
  Three old pilots
  Moishe
  Landmines
  Duck eggs Vs Chicken eggs
  Tee-up.
  Tiger Woods Vs Paul Azinger. Year 1999
  Time
  A professor from Cornell University
  SENIOR HUMOR
  The CAGE
  The 90/10 Secret
  Problems! Put them down
  Can you read this?
  You are so blessed
  Sarah
  Why are we here in the Zoo
  Love, Wealth and Success
  "In God we Trust"
  KISS. Keep It Simple Special.
  "No, Dad. You hold my hand."
  One........
  Four Seasons of Life
  Discoveries & Inventions of Man & WOMAN
  God granted man's wish.
  THE YEAR 1905
  Make a difference today.
  "The one you feed."
  "I only have a small frying pan."
  Copy and Paste
  Lunch with God
  Royalty Income.
  Cannot do 2 MLM at the same time.
  The devil's greatest tool, "Discouragement"
  Sand and Stone
  Elephants
  Guidelines from God.
  HOW ANY COMPANY'S POLICIES GET ESTABLISHED
  Franklin D. Roosevelt.Winston Churchill.Adolph Hitler.
  THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE
  NEW. A Strong Woman (or Man)
  Kids in Church.
  The Perfect Couple
  NEW. I've learned....
  Christopher Columbus
  The Timid brave
  Mom, where did I come from?
  I've got 3 new prospects
  Tourist visiting Rome
  Daddy, how much do you make an hour
  Go home and empty your cup
  How come you come
  And God said,
  Alexander the Great
  Many moons
  The Cross Room
  Jose can you see
  The life of the bird is in your hands
  Hot dog
  Professor study on image
  Professor speaking in a nudist camp
  Two black eyes
  The lady forgot to pull up her zippers
  Waiter, waiter, don't flush the toilet
  All your meals are included in fare
  Marketing Strategies
  The two mental patients
  Instructions for Life
  If I had to live my life over
  Empty Your Cup
  Think out of the box
  The Tight-rope walker
  Favorite Books
  Courage
 
  ©2004 EddyChai.com. All rights reserved. Privacy Policy | Contact me